i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
