i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
