she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
