Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
