I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Randomize
