just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
