Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
