yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
