Apparently you make a good broom.
i would punch a child for taco bell
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
