Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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