I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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