his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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