Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
