if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
These tits shall not be calmed
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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