Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
