I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
