yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The beer is more important than you right now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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