Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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