i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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