Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
