I just threw up on my dentist
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
