I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
