I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
