am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
