If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
