She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
