my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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