i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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