it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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