My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
