guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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