Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
