hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
