I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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