How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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