My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
