GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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