I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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