I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was confusing and full of hummus
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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