Im at strip club and am horny
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
