I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
