Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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