They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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