theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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