The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
