So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
