Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
