Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
