Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
