ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
