I want to make a zoo with you.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
