I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
