I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
