I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
