Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
