Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
