I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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